Painting by blackmail, instead of numbers

To be read with a British accent.

I can’t think of anything humorous to post about at the moment. Well nothing humorous has happened with us, so I’ve decided to tell you about something I have to do for somebody else, who hereinafter will be referred to as The friend.

I was asked….. no I was cajoled….. no actually, if I’m being honest, I was emotionally blackmailed into doing this thing.

“Sindie would have been so proud to have her painting hanging next to yours”

These were the words that were used in order for me to absolutely have to say yes.  The friend knew I couldn’t say no to that.

Once I had agreed to paint the one that makes a single a pair, what do I discover?  I’ll tell you what I discover.  It’s a flippin’ great 50 x 40 inch canvas, that’s what I discover.  AND I have to go in search of a matching canvas.  Can I find a matching canvas?  No, I flipping can’t!

I had just about given up on my search and decided that the friend would have to get a canvas made to measure – and pay a small fortune for it, when the phone rang.

“I think I’ve found the right size canvas”

It was Mo calling from a shopping warehouse.  It turned out that she had found the right size canvas, with one problem.  The canvas was supposed to be a ‘block’ canvas (40mm deep), and this was just an ordinary canvas of about 18mm.

I sent an email to the friend “You’ll need to put wood battening around the back of the frame to thicken it.  Hubby can do that easily” I said.  What happened?  They flippin’ well bring the wood here and leave me to it, is what happened.

Are you still in the British accent?

This is not thin wood.  It’s thick, and hard to saw, and bowed, and it was a nightmare to do, and my hands are killing me now.

Then I had to fill all the gaps with flexible wood filler.  Then I had to paint it with two coats of emulsion to prime it.  Then………….

Then…..

Nothing!

“I can’t do it”  I moan.  “I can’t paint like Sindie did.  She used a brush and I never use brushes.”

“Of course you can.  Just paint it”  Says Mo, who doesn’t understand the finer things like ‘creative juices’ or ‘inspiration’ or that you need to be in the mood for painting.

The canvas sits for a week.

“When are you going to do this painting?” Mo calls from the utility (cats) room.  “I can’t move out here, it’s so big”

I finally work out a system for doing this monster.  I get my pot of Gesso and paint it all over the canvas with a brush, in the design of the painting, to get the brush mark texture.  I will start laying on the paint tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes and we have a visitor.  It’s Michael and he wants me to design and print the order of service for Pam.  I’m more than happy to do this, but it’s a long job.

I’ll get to the painting eventually.