Oh pooh! I need the loo.

You have Margaret Andrews to thank for this post. She encouraged me to write it, following her post on the same subject.

This was a journey home I would never forget!

I was fifteen years old and working in the West End of London. It was 5pm and time to make tracks home, so I said goodnight to my co workers and made my way to the bus stop. It took me about forty minutes to get home. A thirty minute bus journey and then a ten minute walk.

As I waited for the bus I got a sudden urge.”Oh pooh! I need the loo, but I’ll be home soon” I thought. “No problem, I can hold it”.  The bus arrived, I hopped on and settled down for the journey.


My need for the loo got a little more urgent now and I tightened my muscles, as you do, to keep it under control.  I still had about 15 minutes to go, before I got off the bus and I began to panic a bit.  “Hold on, just a little while longer” I thought. The feeling slowly ebbed away and I relaxed in the seat.  “Thank goodness”, I thought, all too soon, as another wave of urgency hit me.

I was young and had never had problems in this department, sometimes going two, maybe three days before relieving myself.  This urgency was surprising to me. Still, if I could hold on, just a little while longer, I would be safely home. I was just glad to be seated. Somehow that felt safer than standing.

Finally the bus arrived at my stop. I had to stand up! “Please God, let it be OK” I prayed, as I slowly stood up.  OK, I was safe. I made my way down the bus and stepped off, carefully. I didn’t dare jump off, as I usually did. Now I had to tackle the long walk home. Well, when you need the loo, a ten minute walk seems like a very long walk.

With every step I took the situation became more urgent. Every muscle in my lower body tensed up and in my desperate attempt at keeping things in tact, I could only move my legs from the knee down, as though my knees were tied together.  I had no thoughts of trying to look like a trendy teenager, as I waddled, stiffly along the road, with a stiff grimace to match.

It would get worse in waves and I found myself muttering things like, “Oh no! Please no!” and then, “Oh thank you, thank you”, followed by, “No! Nooooo! Please God, no!” Each wave became more desperate than the previous one.

I could see my house in the distance. I waddled on, clenching my bum cheeks, thighs tightly closed and gritting my teeth. Relief was in sight now.  “I wanted to run the last few yards, but could only waddle along at a snails pace, if I wanted to reach home safely. I finally reached the door and rang the bell. If I could have rung ten bells I would have, but one had to suffice.

“Hurry up! Ohhh, hurry up! Hurry, hurry, hurrrrry!” I muttered through gritted teeth, as I shifted, stiffly, from one foot to the other.  I heard footsteps coming toward the door “Hurrrry!” I muttered again as the door opened.  Mum was standing holding the handle and she stepped aside to let me through.  Finally I was safely home.

“Quick! I need …………….”   Too late.

One more lousy minute was all I needed!


  • Ron

    Babs, you wrote this story BRILLIANTLY! I could actually FEEL your pain in having to get to the loo so quickly!!

    Loved your finish…..

    “Quick! I need …………….” Too late.

    One more lousy minute was all I needed!”

    Stellar ending!!!!

    I’m pretty good at keeping it in until I have to use the loo. However, during the colder, winter months, I seem to have to use the loo constantly, so it gets harder to hold it in.

    Love the graphic you created of yourself!!!!!

    Have a super Monday!

    X to you and Mo!

    • Thank goodness, I’ve never been caught short since ha ha!

    • I wanted to say what Ron said too about the graphic…I LOVED it! (and Hi Ron!)

      • Thanks Margaret – and Ron 🙂

      • Ron


        Hi Margaret! Yes, isn’t the graphic STELLAR!

        Babs is so talented!

  • You describe the pain, the fear, the misery, so eloquently. This is such a bad situation. Oy vey! There is really nothing exactly like that moment of horror when you realize it’s too late.

    • Linda, I will never forget that. Thank goodness I was home when it happened!

  • Comedy Plus

    Bwahahahahahahaha. Just one more minute. I was cheering you on all the way hoping you’d make it. Bugger.

    Love this Babs.

    Have a terrific day. Big hugs to you both. 🙂

    • Ha ha! Bugger was right! I don’t remember a thing after that moment – which is probably just as well!

  • Oh Lord!!! Even though you told me what happened, I was still on pins and needles reading this. I was gritting my teeth the whole way through. Oh, you poor thing, how awful! Nevertheless, I LOVED this story!

    • It’s a very distant memory now, even though it’s indelibly imprinted on my mind ha ha!

  • So many levels of awesome, Babs! I loved seeing the doodle you made to accompany this pee-ce. Cracked me the hell up! Oh, and sorry for your little accident. Yeah, so close, yet so far.

    • It was the most awful journey home, that ended even worse, but I’m over it now ha ha!

  • Jay of The Depp Effect

    First, I LOVE your drawing!! It’s perfect!

    But oh! How I felt your pain. I was with you on all the ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no’s… And you poor girl. Is there a WORSE time to have this happen than at fifteen?

    • I’m very thankful that I was, at least, home when it finally happened 😉

  • Holy crap! This is the 3rd straight posting on my blog reading list about Poop. No shit, Damn, what happened this past weekend?

    Anyway, I suffer from IBS so I can play this game all day long.

    The last time I almost crapped my pants was on South Mountain in Phoenix Arizona. For an 8 year old kid I guess it’s pretty funny when you find yourself outside with your pants around your ankles letting loose while starring at a city of 2 million people. For a 48 year old, not so much.

    I had run out of emergency TP which I always have in my hiking back pack (yes, ran out as in used it all) so I had to waste my favorite orange do-rag.

    So, if you are ever hiking in Phoenix and you see a small orange flag in the bushes, you will know Agent 54 was here.

    • I’m thinking, I’m glad I live in the UK 😉 Shame about your do-rag. I had to Google that.

  • Oh you poor thing!! I was rooting for you to make it.

    I love your drawing. It exactly conveys the situation.

    • My mind has completely erased the moments after I had the accident, thank goodness 🙂

  • Poor Babs, so close and yet so far! I know everyone has already said it, but that graphic is awesome!

  • Playing catch up today. This is outstanding, and the graphic is totally captures the feeling. I was willing you to make it all the way, and then… Ah, the embarrassment, but at least you were home. I was surprised that had to ring the bell at your own house, though. Those were precious moments to wait that made it too late.

    • You know, as I was writing this, I thought about not having a key. None of us girls had our own front door key. Our mum was always home when we came home from school and it remained like that when we all started work. Our house always had mum in it when we arrived home. She made sure of that. I expect I eventually had my own key, but I don’t remember when I got it.

      • I must admit to a similar experience, moving legs from just the knees down sorta thing – luckily I made it home in the nick of time.

        Like you, we had no door keys, our Mum was always there for us.

        • Well, I made it home… to the house, at least 🙂 Wasn’t it lovely to always have your mum in the home?

          • Oh yes! Not many kids have that these days and if they do the Mums are put down as being lazy!

          • You’re right there! We are living in a very judgmental world now.

  • OMG! BABS!! I am hysterical laughing – because I have been in this very situation! And I know exactly what you meant when you said each wave was worse than the last one!

    Once, I shit my pants in the car, on the way to work. I turned the car around, drove all the way back home, and called out!

    PS: The picture of you is brilliant and hilarious!

  • Robert Morschel

    Did you consider taking a dump on the bus?

    I know it seems crazy, but it is dead convenient, and one gets used to the stares after a while.

    • A shy, fifteen year old girl, I don’t think so 😉

  • I love your stories! We can all relate to butt cheek tightening or “prairie doggin” as it was called in the film “Rat Race.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlkhVC2IUNs

    • Ha ha ha! Prairie doggin’ I’m glad you supplied the link, as I know nothing about prairie dogs 😀

  • ladyinredagain

    hmm I don’t remember having that problem in my teens but in recent years (since my radiotherapy treatment) it has become an all too frequent fear. This is why I insist on having a downstairs loo…..it would be the last straw trying to get up the stairs a hurdle that I wouldn’t be able to overcome.

    • Yes, I was like that when I had my huge cyst. Thankfully, it cleared up after the op.