Three gallons of pee!

Some of you may remember a doctors appointment I had, that started with what I thought was a very minor issue. Before I knew what had happened the doctor arranged several blood tests and had me up the hospital for a scan and the rest is history.

Since my operation, I have been getting the odd ‘hot sweat’. I’m a bit old for it to be a menopausal symptom, but a bit of fantasy does no harm. Maybe a few little hormones escaped the mass exit from my body and were enjoying themselves in the warmth, before the surgeon whipped everything out.

“I doubt that” said the doctor, bringing me back down to earth and making me feel old again. “We’ll have a blood test done in case it’s your thyroid”.

“Oh not again”, I said. I have gone my whole life free of hospitals and problems and hate the thought that I will inevitably start falling apart now.

“I think we’ll have a urine test done, to rule out another possible problem. It’s very rare, so I doubt it will be positive.”

These tests ring bells for me. It’s basically how my recent hospital ordeal started, all innocent and “I just want to rule things out” tests and look how that ended up!

I was told that my urine containers were ready to be picked up. Containers? plural?

specimen bottle copy

Mo came in with three carrier bags, dumped them on the floor and said, “Here you are. It’s for your pee”

“What?” I said rushing to open one of them to see what on earth was inside.  Just look at this! There were three of these.


I rang the surgery to find out how I was actually supposed to do this. It came with instructions, but only for one container.  I wanted to know if I had to wait a day between each test.

“There’s only one test.” The woman said. “It’s a 24 hour test”.

“But I have three containers” I said, thinking she didn’t know what she was doing.

“Yes, that’s right” she said. “They give you three in case one or two containers are not enough”.

How much pee do they expect people to do in 24 hours?

After asking her a few more questions, in an attempt at making sure she knew what she was talking about, I put the phone down still a tad confused by the whole thing. Three gallons of pee in one day?  I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. I would have a job trying to half fill one container!

The next day I started my test and I also had the appointment for my blood test. “Have you picked up the containers for your urine test?” The nurse asked me. I said I had and she nodded.  “Don’t forget to wait 2 days between each test”

“So there are three separate tests?” I said, feeling smug that I had got it right and the person I spoke to yesterday was an idiot.

“Yes. You must wait 2 days between each of the three tests”.

Thank goodness the nurse was thorough and checked my notes, as opposed to just taking the blood.

Note to self: If unsure of anything, always ask to speak to the doctor.

Three gallons of pee in 24 hours indeed!

  • Ron

    Babs, you had me giggling through this entire post. You are sooooooo funny! I love your sense of humor!!!

    “Three gallons of pee in 24 hours indeed!”

    HA! But I’ll tell ya, I pee A LOT because I drink tons of water in a day, so I could probably fill them TWICE!

    Yes, thanks goodness the nurse was thorough.

    Good luck with the tests, my friend. Keep us posted.

    X to you and Mo!

    • Mo is always telling me I don’t drink enough. She’s probably right, but I never have been much of a drinker. I do try to drink more, when I remember 😉

      • Ron

        I have this crazy theory that if I drink TWO glasses of water for every cup of coffee I drink (which I usually have 2-3 cups a day), I’m flushing all the bad stuff from coffee out of my body – HA!

        Also, I seem to drink more water during the warmer months because I sweat more.

        But I really like water, so it’s easy for me to drink that much.

        • I don’t think it’s a crazy theory. Water does flush your system out. I wish I thought to drink it, but I rarely do.

  • Comedy Plus

    Never heard of such a test. Too funny though.

    Have a terrific day. Big hugs. 🙂

    • Neither had I before this. It takes 10 days to complete!

  • Well that is confusing!!! I can’t imagine that anyone pees that much in a 24 hour period. EVER…I think someone needs to re-train the first person you talked to.

    Hope they find NOTHING in all that pee except pee. You have had enough in the way of doctors lately. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you.

    • I know. What a stupid woman! I hope they find nothing too 😉

  • Good grief! I’m not even sure I could pee ONE gallon. I love the image of Mo dumping the containers on the floor “This is for your pee.” OMG. Now that I’ve actually seen and heard Mo, this is infinitely more hilarious to me.

    Here’s how my mom would make sure she drank 8 glasses of water per day. At breakfast, she’d lay 8 pennies on one side of the kitchen sink. With each glass drunk, she’d move a penny over to the other side. So she always knew how many she’d had and how much of the day she had left to get in the others. Don’t get dehydrated, Babs. Lots of nasty stuff can happen if you do.

    Suddenly I have to pee.

    • I know I don’t drink enough, but I just forget to drink. If I laid out pennies, Mo would follow behind me and put them all away again! It would go something like this…. “Where have all those pennies gone?”
      “Oh, I don’t know. I put them away somewhere”
      “I don’t remember”

  • I hope everything comes out alright…the test I mean. Three containers of pee. I can’t even imagine. I used to think that one cup was too much to give up. It is mine, after all. Sorry you have to go through the madness again.

    • Thanks Lauren. It’s my blood I hate giving them. I need that 😉

  • I’m pretty sure that people who fill 3 gallons with pee are sent off for a whole battery of other tests, Babs! Sending you lots of positive thoughts…. 🙂

    • Thanks Nicky. If I managed to fill 3 of those, I’d thing I was melting inside 🙂

  • I think my husband could fill those three things in 24 hours. Don’t ever go on a car trip with him!

    • Ha ha! It’s never a problem for men, but if us women needed to go that much, we’d have a problem. Especially in the UK, where you will find very, very few public toilets for women!

  • Oh Babs, I know how freaky these tests are – and I know how they can be scary – but the way you wrote about this – is cracking me the hell up!

    Glad you finally received the proper instructions!

    • You know, more than others, about all these tests! My blood tests came back OK, so that’s one thing sorted 🙂

  • I thought for SURE you were going to say you *did* produce a gallon and a half and that you are the rare bird who has that malady.

    And sick mind that I have, I am curious to know how much you fill each time. Ugh, that’s disgusting. I apologize for my brain.

    • Ha ha ha! Don’t tell anyone, but about two thirds full each day 😉

  • I can understand your confusion, too. As often as I have to “go” (tea, soda, water…what goes in has to go somewhere), I still couldn’t produce that much. I hope this test goes well, and all is fine with you.

    • Thanks Linda. I’m not expecting anything to be wrong, but then I wasn’t expecting the huge thing inside me last time 😉